His Crime: He’s a Boor

And He’s Not the Only One

There’s a confusion these days between boorish male behavior and sexual assault.  Democratic candidates are being canceled if they look at a woman sideways while Republican candidates admit that they grab women by the pussy and nobody blinks an eye (except the woman in question.  Ow, Donny.  Those might be the first words Melania ever said to him).

The question is: are we sometimes losing our best people over issues that are ultimately important but are being taken too far?

In the New York Mayoral race, Lynn Kim has said that Scott Stringer “inappropriately and relentlessly pursued a sexual relationship”[1] with her while she was working on his campaign to be a public advocate (whatever in the hell that is) in 2001.  He “repeatedly groped me, put his hands on my thighs and between my legs and demanded to know why I wouldn’t have sex with him,” she says.

That sounds dreadful, and definitely abusive.  Yet when she gets to specifics, she recalls an incident in a bar when other campaign staffers had left and she was alone with him.  “Stringer kissed her once, and then again with more force.  ‘The fact that I didn’t slap him away, I think he just took that as indication that it was okay,’ Kim told the paper. She said that Stringer then “took his hand, and he put it down, like, the back of my pants.’

“She also described Stringer making advances toward her during taxi cab rides, including him putting his hand on her knee.”

Stringer, for his part, claims relationship was consensual.  “We had a friendship, with a little more.”

I realize that boorish behavior is boorish at any time, and is never excusable.  But these things did happen in 2001; maybe Stringer is exactly the same person he was twenty years ago, but most of us—even men—get a clue over that period of time.  Furthermore, Lynn Kim was not a child; she was thirty years old and a contributor to his campaign when these things happened.  She thinks they disqualify Springer from being New York’s Mayor in 2021.  I’m not so sure.

I definitely don’t think they qualify as sexual assault.

Stringer wasn’t John Kennedy but may have imagined he was on his way to that (in the same way I imagined my books would be bestsellers and win the Pulitzer Prize.  They did not).  He and this young woman were on the same side politically, fighting for their side, and there’s sometimes an erotic charge to that.  He wanted to have sex with her, and did what used to be known as making a pass.  Now it’s known as sexual assault.

Actually, she didn’t want to have sex with him.  She approved of his campaign, and was getting a start in electoral politics herself, but perhaps thought him rather nerdy (check out the photos) and was not attracted at all.  She didn’t want to offend him—and lose her job in the process—and she actually felt mildly sorry for the dumb son of a bitch.  She didn’t object to the first kiss, then the second one arrived.  More forceful.  Hey.  Maybe this guy wasn’t such a nerd.  Then he “like” reached down the back of her pants, whatever that means.  Definitely boorish behavior, in a public place.  Maybe he was slightly drunk.

I understand that women are tired of being touched, groped, handled, kissed, slobbered over, and in general—so to speak—manhandled.  On the other hand, if the woman likes the man, and wants to have sex with him, she excuses some boorish behavior because she can see he’s embarrassed and awkward, he’s trying to be affectionate, and it’s tough having to be the aggressor and make the first move.  (Some women like nerds!)  It’s the same behavior.  It’s just a different affectional situation.

Also, to say the very least, the whole situation was different in 2001.  I agree that things are better now, and that men need to be called out on these things.  But in those days a man could exhibit boorish behavior and not lose his job and be disgraced forever.  It was still boorish.  But maybe an utter boor can be a good Mayor of New York.  Aren’t there examples of that?

Finally, there is a real political divide here.  Democratic candidates are dropping like flies, even for things they did many years ago, while Republicans do dreadful things now and nobody says a word.  Are we losing a whole group of candidates who might have been elected and done a lot of good?  Where is Al Franken when we need him?

I know where the pussy grabber is.  He’s in a place with the bizarre name Mar a Lago, plotting his next move.

[1] My quotations are from Kim’s press conference, as reported by the New York Intelligencer.